He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
