Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
