Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
