I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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