Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
