That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
