Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
