Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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