Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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