I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
