thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
