You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
