The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
