We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
