I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
