I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
