your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
