My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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