she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
