You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i've created a new STD.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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