Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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