The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
