the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
