Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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