Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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