eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
