Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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