Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
