So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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