Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
