My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
