in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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