My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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