I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
is wine microwaveable?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
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