I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
