I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
