He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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