I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
