He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
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So squirting runs in the family.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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