sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
