I murdered the dance floor call the cops
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
