Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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