Small penises have feelings too.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
