a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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