Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
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I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
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....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck