I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
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there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
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You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?