i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis