I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.