worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life