I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
