Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
