I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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