why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
