I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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