I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Someone signed my nipple.
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