I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
