i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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