god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
