i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
