Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
