Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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