Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
