I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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