Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
