I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
