Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The power of my boobs compel you
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
