i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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