my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
