there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Randomize
