My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
