i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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