She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize