Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm just crazy horny about you
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
