Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
